Subject: General Tech | June 15, 2011 - 12:46 PM | Jeremy Hellstrom
Tagged: gaming, duke nukem, 10 commandments
We need a new joke, the poster boy of vapourware has actually arrived and no one remembers the Phantom console. You can catch up on all of the reviews of Duke Nukem Forever below the fold, but make sure you don't say anything mean about the game or the PR firm will get you. There is also a lot of previews from E3 to drool over, many new games offered teases of their unreleased products.
Before you take a look at the games, The Tech Report has recently crafted 10 commandments that all PC games should follow. Read through them and see which of the new games look to be following the reasonable requirements that they have listed.
It's beside the Any key, right?
"Picture this for a second: you just unpacked the latest PlayBox 720-X blockbuster game, Gran Gears of Duty Fantasy XVIII. It's a game so juicy and dreamy that it'll send you flying into all the colors of the rainbow, twitching and jerking with pleasure-induced spasms just from looking at the loading screen. Let's assume for the sake of argument that said game is a first-person shooter, like, oh, about 135% of recent releases. You insert the Megaray disc, go about the installation process, and merrily start to play.
All of a sudden, you notice the left stick is used for switching weapons. The right stick moves the character, and shooting is only accomplished by pressing it. The camera is moved with the directional buttons, and the triangle, square, A, and B buttons are used for your character's smartass quips. You enter the menu to change the controls, but you can only navigate them using the motion sensors. After five minutes of furniture-dusting motions, you finally enter the options menu and find out there are barely any options, and none that matter. Frustrated, you throw the TenAxis controller at your 4D TV screen and take the shiny disc out of the console to find out whether it will blend."
Here is some more Tech News from around the web:
- Duke Nukem Forever Performance Test @ TechSpot
- Wot I Think: Duke Nukem Forever @ Rock, Paper, SHOTGUN
- Duke Nukem Forever Game Review (PC) @ HardwareHeaven
- Duke Nukem Forever: barely playable, not funny, rampantly offensive @ Ars Technica
- Duke Nukem Forever Review @ Techgage
- Skyrim's dragon battles top off impressive demo @ Ars Technica
- Asura's Wrath is effortlessly weird and weirdly awesome @ Ars Technica
- Gaming Friday – Bulletstorm @ ThinkComputers
- Serious Sam 3 adds no modern gameplay, thank heavens @ Ars Technica
- Star Wars: The Old Republic's lead writer on good Sith, evil Jedi @ Ars Technica
- Section 8: Prejudice Review (PC) @ HardwareHeaven
- DiRT 3 Gameplay Performance @ The Register
- Assassin's Creed Revelations: The Escape From Constantinople Q&A @ HEXUS
- CANVAS Teaser Is Sinister, Awesome @ Rock, Paper, SHOTGUN
- Wot I Think: Red Faction Armageddon @ Rock, Paper, SHOTGUN
- Steam Now Offering Free-To-Play Games @ Slashdot
- A character, not a voice: tuning the narration in Bastion @ Ars Technica
- Silent Hill: Downpour - Xbox 360, PS3 @ HEXUS
- Wii? Maybe U... But I'm Not Sold Yet @ Techgage
- Super Mario 3DS hands-on: the Tanooki suit is back! @ Ars Technica
- Dead or Alive Dimensions 3DS @ Tweaktown
- Duke Nukem Forever Xbox 360 @ Tweaktown
- Icebreaker Hockey for iOS: hockey stripped down to $1 perfection @ Ars Technica
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